This is what has happened since the summer.
Kipper died on the 3rd, thanks to my fucking murdering cunt of a mother thinking a purring cat needs to be put out of his misery. I collected his ashes today. They’re in a little wooden box with his name engraved on it. It’s going to eat at me forever that I never got to say goodbye; I didn’t give him his cuddle that morning because I was in a rush, and knew he’d be there when I got back. Never again.
I’ve been poorly since September, and it’s completely destroyed my feeling of reality. I can do things, and remember everything about myself (to the regular extent), but it’s like I’m watching a TV show and remembering a character from it. My fucking useless doctors are prescribing me things that don’t work, or just avoiding problems completely (severe abdominal pain = “OH TAKE THIS CODEINE AND COME BACK IN A FORTNIGHT” – turns out I still had an infection, and going back in a fortnight rather than a week may have been damaging) so I’m probably going to be fucked up by 2011.
My relationships have kinda messed up, too – no elaboration on certain parts (because Ashley would hurt me), but my friendships feel strained or fake, depending on the person, but that’s my fault for not getting out more and talking to the people I care about. Too many people are confusing me by hitting on me, as well. ):
Also, in a dyke-ish turn of events, I now have appalling hair that makes me look AWFUL. My self-esteem wasn’t that high anyway D:
So yeah, that’s what’s happened to me lately, or at least as much as you can read without getting incredibly fucking bored.
Is that enough emo for you, Alex?