Silver Sun


I’ve always been an idiot.

I told my family again and again while I was young that I always wanted to live alone and at the first opportunity, I moved in with KD. It’s weird because, it’s been almost a month since I was told “I don’t love you any more” and I feel like my heart has already been surrounded by plasters and bandages so much so that I can’t really remember what it felt like in the first place.

Honestly, I think taking care of some of the more important things both in my life and KD’s was pretty humbling. She was terrible at getting anything done and I enjoyed being there for her.

But she was also really useful in the sense that she was my emotional crutch. If I laddered for 8 hours straight only to find myself lower or at the same place, she’d comfort me. If I got rejected for a job I was really excited for, she’d make me feel alive again.

I’m not saying “I want her back” so to speak, but essentially I never moved out on my own and I haven’t been able to grow as a person for over 3 years, nearly 4. I could have gone on forever being Alex and KD, but maybe that isn’t really healthy.

I’m standing at a cross roads next to a river of broken possibilities. Reject all that I knew and grow once more, or adopt the past and repair and thrive.

Fuck.

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One thought on “Silver Sun

  1. You’re easily one of the smartest people I know; you’re not an idiot. An idiot wouldn’t have gotten to Japan, an idiot wouldn’t have made 20k stretch 3/4 years, an idiot wouldn’t be able to organise everyone when they needed to be.

    We’ve all got to evolve man. Into what I cannot say, but it’s got to happen. Stillness is stagnation and stagnation is the slowest, most painful form of suicide ever.

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