Last night Ashley told me I’d done something on the levels of “incest or paedophilia” in the sense that you just have a “gut instinct of knowing it’s wrong” and today I’m going to tell you about it so you can all come to your own conclusions. First, a bit of backstory.
In my first year of university I wasn’t very sociable, I was happy to talk to my housemates but would go out of the way to avoid them. The largest impact this had was on my eating habits. Breakfast was basically non existent because mornings, too, were non existent for the most part. If I did have to wake up then I didn’t bother because eating in the morning is hard and I could just do it later. Lunch might be a packet of crisps or some snacks from my room. I also used to buy vegetables/fruit from the market that came once a week, so sometimes lunch would just be a fucking carrot or some shite. I wasn’t starving myself, I just didn’t particularly care about eating nice things.
This may have been why I bought a 12 pack of minestrone cuppa soup for about 30p. This shit was fucking disgusting and the only way I could bring myself to eat it would be to go through about a third of a loaf of bread just dipping that shit up. Don’t even think about eating the chunks, just pretend they’re not there, you remember last time, that pasta looking shit is just pissed on cardboard do not try it.
But this is not my greatest food crime. My crime beyond all forgiveness did not even have a name at the time. Now I like to call it ‘hammy rice’ because that seems to upset Ashley even further the poor soul. It does what it says on the can really. Just cook some regular rice, cut up some ham, and throw it all in a bowl together. Fucking lush. Seriously though, not bad, you get all the filling-up-ness of the rice, but eat mouthful has a little bit of ham for flavour.
So today I throw myself upon your mercy and ask forgiveness for my hammy rice.