Am I even me?

So it’s been nearly a month since she passed.
I still don’t know what to do with myself, every thought in my mind has an equal reaction against it so most of my time is spent either working out or doing nothing at all.
What freaks me out the most is that I haven’t masturbated or even had a boner at all in this time period. I’ve literally gone from having sex once or twice a week about 4 or 5 times in a night and masturbating pretty much every night to the pictures and videos she sent me.

To nothing, absolutely nothing.

I thought about trying tinder or OKC or something for something meaningless just to test if I am truly broken down there but spending 5 minutes on tinder felt so utterly worthless and devoid of meaning.
Pretty sure even if I did get propositioned i’d be completely oblivious or worse, if one thing led to another I doubt I could perform. You ever see those dudes in shows or whatever and it’s fucking cringe as fuck when the dude just breaks down mid-session and you think “ha, that’ll never happen to me”

I’m not so sure anymore.

I think about it a lot but i’m endeavoring not to, I just want to spend as much time as I can with my friends, you guys, because without you i’d be fucking awful.
Without Alex in particular I might not be here to type this.

So thank-you guys.



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