I was thinking about doing something fancy as fuck but I thought i’d school you kiddos on how to eat poor rich or everything in between with ingredients you have in ya fuckin’ cupboard and fridge.
You’re gonna need this stuff:
- 1 clove of garlic
- 1 shallot
- 2 bay leaves
- 25 ml olive oil
- 100 ml of any bloody pinot grigio
- 200 ml passata
- 400g of fucking pasta
- 2 tbsp pine nuts
- 1 tbsp butter
- 200 g fresh spinach
- 50 g Parmesan
- few basil leaves
Here’s a picture incase you’re really drunk like me
If you’re really rich go ahead and buy some Meatballs or sea bass or some shit, I bet it’d be delicious.
Now what I want you to do is boil some water in a kettle and sauté some onions followed by garlic and then the bayleaves, just use olive oil, salt, pepper and if you’re a real man and don’t afraid of anything add some hotsauce at the very end step when you take it off the heat
Now it’s gonna take like ten minutes for the pasta and at least five minutes for your shallots and then 2 minutes for the garlic and bay leaves to sweat so we should make a drink. I chose a Mojito because I foolishly bought like 100grams of mint but i’d recommend drinking out of that Pinot Grigio if you’re not a skilled bar tender like me.
If you’ve not drunk two of what you made by the time the shallots have done sweating then you failed and you should stop this guide here.
Now I think you’ve had enough Pinot Grigio to drink so give the shallots some, they’ll appreciate it later. You want the 200ml (I put in 300 because I really like a sweet tang to my sauces) to reduce and evaporate the alcohol. It’ll make it really sweet and enhance the flavour of everything that’s in there.
So we’re bored waiting again for the sauce to reduce so because we still have our second Mojito we’re going to be productive by toasting some pine nuts. I just happened to have these around because I have shitty skin genetics and it helps keep me looking as amazing as I do every day, also I guess they add texture or whatever
Our wine has reduced and it’s smelling wonderful in the kitchen so we’re going to add pasata to it now. This is literally like the cheapest most versatile dry store ingredient and if you don’t have like ten of these in your cupboard shame on you
Incorporate it into your sauce until you have an italian sweet smell covering the house, you might have flat mates asking whats cooking but I don’t because no one loves me ;_; this is the point you add some lemon juice, salt, pepper and some cayenne chilli pepper if you have some.
Once you’ve mixed it in (easier with a spoon that a spatula) add in spinach. It’s really fucking good for you, tastes pretty good and is super cheap for a ridiculous amount that can go on literally everything. Don’t argue with me on this one.
At this point your pasta should be done (or before this depending if you’re slow as fuck) so empty the water out, let it dry off, put all of your sauce mixture in and put it on the stove that was cooking your sauce but off. This will let the spinach wilt and everything will be delicious.
Finally you need to serve it (I made two portions because it’s more economical and having a lunch/dinner in the fridge/freezer is super convenient.
Add some torn basil, serve in a big fucking bowl, top with paramasan cheese (or no cheese if you’re poor as fuck) and make another drink.
If you’re unhappy by the end of this guide you did it wrong or you’re wrong.
I hope you enjoyed how Alex eats depending on how much money he has, most of these ingrediants can be substituted or flat out removed depending on if you just have Pasta and passata in the house or if you’ve stolen ingredients from your family or flat mates, whatever I just chose to follow a recipie my dad taught me like half a decade ago because red green and I guess kinda white cuz of the pasta make the italian flag and it’s pretty traditional.
Top tip: grow your own herbs, it’s super easy and it’s nice to know that even though you’re dead inside you’re allowing something to live.
Here are some glam shots of my food